It’s about that time. Going for my yearly fun, fun, fun staring up at the ceiling and pretending to enjoy the witty banter with my doctor.
My 3-year-old came into my room donned in a pair of her shorts, a too-big shirt belonging to her big sis, her white dress shoes and a red purse. She asked where I was going and if she could come. She told me she was ready to go and asked again if she could come with me. And because I have no sense of appropriate answers for young ones, or maybe I was just distracted by her cuteness with the whole dress shoes and purse and shirt hanging off her upper arms thing, I told her that I was going to the pee-pee doctor so she couldn’t come, because only Mommy can go to the pee-pee doctor by herself. She looked at me, tilted her head and said, “Pee-pee doctor?”
I casually said “Yep!” thinking that maybe that would be the end of it.
“But Mommy, I want to gooooo” she started whining. “I’m ready to go Mom, I have my purse!” (oh blessed mushy cuteness, I love this mommy stuff)
I told her that because this was the pee-pee doctor, and the doctor had to look at my pee-pee, that kids couldn’t go because I needed my privacy. Realizing at this point, that I should probably have just said I was going to the doctor and told her she couldn’t come, I was thinking a redirect was in order. So I quickly told her that Daddy would be home soon and that she would have lots of fun with Daddy when he was home. She seemed fine with that, and left the room.
A few minutes later, she came back with her big sister. And my 7-year-old said, “Sissy says you are going to pee on the doctor. Are you gonna pee on the doctor, Mom?”
“No honey.” I said, “I’m going to the pee-pee doctor so she can make sure my pee-pee is all healthy and stuff.”
She turned to her sister and said “See! I told you Mom wasn’t going to pee on the doctor!” then she turned back to me and asked, “Why do you have to go to the pee-pee doctor?”
By this time, I wished I hadn’t actually let the words “pee-pee doctor” ever come out of my mouth. I told her the correct name, OB-GYN and mentioned that this is just one of those things that you do when you get older because there’s a lot going on down there when you get older.
Aaaaand then came the head tilt. (Did I teach them that?) She said, “Like what do you mean, a lot going on?”
At this point I’m wondering how deep I can dig this hole before I have to really break down the birds and the bees to my not-quite-ready-for-it 7-year-old? “Well, you know, since that’s where babies come out of, we have to really take care of stuff down here after the babies come because our bodies change so much after we have kids.”
And then I was so pleased to hear my almost 12-year-old son bust out with “Yeah, a lot will change in your body when you are older because there are a lot of chemicals called hormones that you will get that will make your body change and you will probably have grumpy times like Mom does when she gets her period.”
Oh for the love of heaven.
As this conversation clearly moved out of my control, I felt escapism was the best approach. I said “OK honey. You know what? Nevermind. I’ve got to go soon — you guys need to go outta here so I can finish my work before I leave. We can talk about this later, ok?”
She seemed totally fine with that — and as she stepped out of the way, I saw my 3-year-old sitting on her butt on the floor with her feet in the air, waving her hand in front of her crotch saying, “Go to the doctor. Stinky, stinky pee-pee. Ew, YUCK!”
Ahhh, another memorable visit to the pee-pee doctor. Can’t wait to see what happens next year.
More adventures tomorrow…
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